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Ngozi Ibrahim
May 20, 2025 at 9:00 AM
Money & Financial Stress

I lost my job six months ago and the shame is worse than the money problem

I was made redundant in December. Company restructuring, nothing I did, the usual story.

The financial reality is difficult but manageable — I had some savings, I've been doing some freelance work, things are tight but not catastrophic.

What is catastrophic is the shame. I haven't told most of my friends. I avoid conversations that touch on work. I have constructed a version of my days that sounds like I'm still employed. I cannot shake the sense that people will see me differently, that the image I had built of myself as capable and successful is now a lie.

I know this is not rational. I know unemployment is not a moral failing. I know many people I respect have been through this. Knowing it does nothing.

For people who have been through job loss — how did you handle the identity part of it? Not the job search. The internal story. The piece where your sense of who you are was attached to what you did, and then suddenly you couldn't say what you did?
1,234 views 2 replies Last reply Jun 5, 2025

2 Replies

A
I was made redundant in 2022. The identity piece was the hardest. What helped me eventually: deliberately separating what I did from who I was, in conversations with myself. Not "I am a product manager" but "I am someone who is good at these things." The redundancy took the role. It couldn't take the competence.
D
The concealment is the thing that keeps the shame alive. I did the same thing — constructed a narrative of what my days looked like. When I finally started being honest with people close to me, almost without exception they were supportive and several told me they had been through something similar. The version of me that they rejected because I was unemployed existed only in my head.

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1,234 views
2 replies
Posted May 20, 2025
Last reply Jun 5, 2025
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