I am 22 weeks pregnant. I wanted this pregnancy. I have been trying for two years. And I am scared in a way I did not predict.
Every scan is a new opportunity for something to be wrong. Every symptom that is different from last week is a thing I research at midnight. The baby's movements, the absence of movements, the quality of the movements — all of it feeds a fear that I cannot turn off.
I know that anxiety in pregnancy is common and also that the clinical advice is to not stress because stress is not good for the baby, which is itself a source of stress.
I had managed anxiety reasonably well before this. Pregnancy has turned the volume up in a way I wasn't prepared for. I think because the stakes feel unbearably high and completely outside my control.
For those who have navigated anxious pregnancy — how did you manage the fear? How did you experience something that was supposed to be joyful when the joy kept getting crowded out by dread?