He never shouted. That's the thing I keep coming back to. There were no dramatic incidents, no clear line I could point to. Just a gradual accumulation of small moments where my feelings were too big, my needs were too demanding, my reactions were too much.
Over four years I became smaller. I stopped bringing things up because I had learned the response. I apologised reflexively. I second-guessed my own perceptions because his version of events was always so calm and logical, and mine was always emotional and therefore unreliable.
Since leaving I have been in therapy trying to find myself again. What surprises me is how much work it takes to unlearn the belief that I am fundamentally too much. That voice is so internal now that it sounds like mine.
For women who have come through this kind of relationship — not the obviously abusive kind, the quietly erasing kind — what did recovery look like? When did you start trusting your own perception again?