I have never told anyone the full story. Not my therapist. Not my closest friend. Not in writing. The events sit in me like something I can't put language around.
I know that speaking it — in some form, to someone — is supposed to help. I understand the theory. I also feel, every time I try, a wall that I can't push through. Sometimes my throat closes. Sometimes I dissociate. Sometimes I just find myself talking about something else entirely without having decided to change the subject.
I am not looking for the advice to "just talk to a therapist." I have one. This is not a question of access. It's a question of how you begin when every attempt to begin fails.
For people who have eventually found a way into telling their story — how did you start? Was there a particular approach, a particular kind of space, that made it possible?