I am 32. I love my mother. I also leave every interaction with her feeling worse than I arrived.
She is critical in ways she doesn't recognise as criticism. She compares me to cousins and siblings in ways that seem offhand but land like blows. She shares my personal information with extended family members and then wonders why I'm guarded.
Every therapist I've seen has helped me understand the dynamic. None of them have helped me figure out what to actually do. Setting limits with her causes drama that ripples through the whole family. Full distance doesn't feel right either — she is aging and I am not cruel.
Is there a version of this that isn't just constantly absorbing damage, and isn't nuclear? How do people maintain a relationship with a difficult parent without losing themselves in the process?