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Anonymous Anonymous
Mar 20, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Grief & Loss

A year after losing my mum — grief hits in the strangest places

It has been one year and two months. People around me have quietly decided I should be through the worst of it by now. Nobody says this directly. It is communicated in smaller ways — the checking in has slowed, the "how are you really?" questions have stopped.

But grief doesn't follow the timeline people assign to it from the outside.

Last week I was in a supermarket and a song came on — one she used to hum in the kitchen — and I had to abandon my trolley and go sit in my car for twenty minutes. This is the reality of it. The ambush. The way it hides in ordinary moments and then detonates without warning.

I am not the same person I was before she died. I don't think I will be. And I'm slowly making peace with that — with grief not as something to be resolved but as something that changes shape as you carry it.

For those of you further along this path — does it get lighter? Not over, I know it's never over. But does the weight become more bearable? And how did you handle the people around you who expected you to be "better" before you were?
1,160 views 2 replies Last reply Apr 20, 2025

2 Replies

T
The ambush is the right word. My dad has been gone for three years and I still get caught by the most ordinary things. A song, his handwriting on an old card, the specific smell of his workshop. I used to try to brace for the anniversaries and completely miss the random Tuesday that undoes me. Now I just accept that grief has its own calendar.
E
It does get lighter. Not over — you're right about that — but the weight changes. In the early months I could not imagine being anything other than someone who had just lost their mother. Three years later she is still the most present absence in my life but I am also other things now, alongside the grief rather than underneath it.

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1,160 views
2 replies
Posted Mar 20, 2025
Last reply Apr 20, 2025
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