I don't share this much. But I'm sharing it here because I remember desperately searching for people who had come through the other side and survived it.
My ex of four years cheated. Not once — it had been going on for eight months before I found out. The betrayal wasn't just the act. It was discovering that the version of my relationship I had been living in was a fiction. That my reality had been constructed without my knowledge.
For the first six months I genuinely didn't know how to trust my own judgement anymore. If I had missed that — what else was I missing? I second-guessed everything. I became hypervigilant in ways that made me exhausting to be around.
What actually moved things for me: individual therapy to rebuild my own sense of reality, not couples therapy. Learning to separate "this person betrayed me" from "I cannot be trusted to see clearly." Understanding the difference between healthy caution and punishment.
Two years later I am in a relationship where I feel safe. I still have moments. But they pass faster now.
What questions do people have? I'm happy to talk about any part of this.