We have been together four years. I love this person. I also feel like we have had the same argument approximately 200 times.
It always starts differently — dishes, money, time, plans — but it always ends up at the same place: I feel unheard, they feel criticised, we both shut down, and then 48 hours later we act like nothing happened. Until the next time.
I've read about communication techniques. I've brought up going to couples therapy and it was received with "we don't need a third party in our relationship." I've tried the "I feel" statements. I've tried waiting until we're both calm. I've tried writing it down instead of saying it.
The pattern is still there. And increasingly I'm not just frustrated — I'm tired. Tired of fighting for something that seems to reset every few weeks.
For couples who have broken out of this cycle — what actually changed things? Was it therapy? A specific conversation? One of you hitting a wall and something shifting? I want to know what's possible here.