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Seun Balogun
Apr 14, 2026 at 9:15 AM
Student Life

First month at university and everyone seems to have figured out life except me

I started at FUTA a month ago and I want to be honest about something that the university brochures do not prepare you for: it\'s hard in ways I didn\'t expect.

Not academically — the academics are manageable. What I didn\'t expect was how exposed I would feel. At home I had a context — my family knew me, my friends knew me, I had a history. Here I am starting from zero with hundreds of people who seem, from the outside, to have some social instinct that I lack. They already have friendship groups. They already know how the cafeteria system works and where the fast lecturers are and which hostels are safe. I\'m still figuring out the building layout.

I have social anxiety that I\'ve never been formally told is social anxiety but that I recognise from descriptions I\'ve read. Loud common rooms feel like work. Introducing myself to new people exhausts me in a way I can\'t explain to people who find it energising. And yet I watch my roommates strike up conversations effortlessly and I wonder what chromosome they have that I\'m missing.

People keep saying it gets better. I want to believe that — but I also want specifics. When does it get better? What makes it better? Is there anything I can do to accelerate the adjustment, or is time the only answer?
189 views 3 replies Last reply 6 days ago

3 Replies

C
It gets better, and I can give you specifics. For me it took about six weeks before I started feeling like I had some footing. The shift wasn't dramatic — one day I just noticed I knew a few faces, knew a few routes, and had a few places that felt mine. The context you had at home starts to rebuild. Slowly, but it does.
A
What helped me was finding one person who felt the same way, rather than trying to find belonging in large groups. The confident-looking people in the common room intimidated me until I ended up sitting next to one in the cafeteria and realised she was also figuring it out and had just learned to perform confidence.
H
What you're describing is one of the most common and least discussed experiences in first-year university life. The adjustment to a new social context, especially with social anxiety, is real work — and the timeline is different for everyone. Please be patient with yourself. If the difficulty persists beyond the first semester, that's a signal worth listening to, and we're here.

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189 views
3 replies
Posted Apr 14, 2026
Last reply 6 days ago
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